Friendship
Last night I had one of the most unpleasant experiences that I have had since high school...maybe even middle school. I had a very unfortunate finish to a friendship right before we moved to Seattle that was not my doing or choice. It had been 9 months since I'd seen her when she walked into a party I was at this week while staying with my in-laws. My physical reaction completely surprised me.
First, I was unable to make eye contact with her or even look in her general direction. Did I think if I couldn't see her she couldn't see me? I don't know what I was thinking, but this was a truly odd thing for me to do. Next, my heart was racing. It felt as if it would jump out of my chest or at least travel up by throat and out of my mouth! It was terrible. I'm sure someone in the room could have heard my heart beating.
Hopefully this type of ending to a friendship will never happen to me again. It is another thing that I would like to add to the list of things that I thought would discontinue as an adult. I'm going to try to stop thinking about this long enough to fall asleep. I tend to obsess about something like this, but I need to let it go because there is nothing that I can do to change the situation or correct something that someone else has done to hurt me.
I think in the future I will just trust my instincts at the beginning of a friendship and not ignore my gut feelings. I'm not sure if it would have helped in this situation, but maybe something good will come of this. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out.
Damn, good friends are hard to find! I appreciate those of you that are out there ;-)
First, I was unable to make eye contact with her or even look in her general direction. Did I think if I couldn't see her she couldn't see me? I don't know what I was thinking, but this was a truly odd thing for me to do. Next, my heart was racing. It felt as if it would jump out of my chest or at least travel up by throat and out of my mouth! It was terrible. I'm sure someone in the room could have heard my heart beating.
Hopefully this type of ending to a friendship will never happen to me again. It is another thing that I would like to add to the list of things that I thought would discontinue as an adult. I'm going to try to stop thinking about this long enough to fall asleep. I tend to obsess about something like this, but I need to let it go because there is nothing that I can do to change the situation or correct something that someone else has done to hurt me.
I think in the future I will just trust my instincts at the beginning of a friendship and not ignore my gut feelings. I'm not sure if it would have helped in this situation, but maybe something good will come of this. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out.
Damn, good friends are hard to find! I appreciate those of you that are out there ;-)
posted by April at 9:37 PM
4 Comments:
Good friends are hard to find! Even though we may not talk/see/email each other often, it's a good feeling to know that there are still some of us who stay connected!!! :-)
I hope everything works out! It is hard to be so far away and dwell on things you can't change. Good luck with that one.
If there is one thing I've learned over and over again during these fun "aging" years it's that nothing ever ends as we grow up...it just gets more painful from the loss of youthful ignorance, innocence and bliss. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience...time will lead you to an answer and until then treasure the friendships that grow and stay strong through time.
GOSH I MISS YOU!
I love you April, even tho we don't see each other! ;)
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